100 things about me.

1. I was born in Saigon, Vietnam. A year after my parents were married.
2. My birth year is 1987.
3. My sign is Capricorn. Tiger for the chinese zodiac. I don't know what my numerology number is, nor do I care.
4. I like to think I'm spoiled, in a working-class sort of way.
5. I have two younger brothers. I am the oldest.
6. I currently live in Norristown, PA. Although, I really want to not be here right now.
7. I hate it here. I want to live someplace where there is a lot of things going on, a lot of people nearby, and everything seems different than my life right now.
8. I work as a pharmacy tech and am also a student. I make okay money.
9. I'm 5'4" and 130 lbs. Although, I think I'm more. I think I'm fat and there's no way to dissuade me. I think I'm fat because I'm not skinny. And I want to be skinny. But in reality, you could say that I'm average. Although I need to exercise more.
10. I’ve never broken a bone, had surgery, been to the hospital, etc. Although, I did have a few ultrasounds for me heart, that wasn't in the hospital.
11. I did get really sick once. Strep throat. I thought i was dying.
12. I never really participated in any of the little kiddie sport things like baseball or boy scouts or whatever. Maybe because my parents are too protective or maybe because they were too poor. Or maybe because I'm a fag.
13. Instead, I studied and read books or just sat there wondering and pondering.
14. I want to do a handstand. But I haven't practiced in a long time.
15. My major in college - pre-pharmacy.
16. I decided pharmacy because my parents wanted me to. And because I was good in the sciences. But, now, I'm not sure anymore. I'm not sure about many things right now. I would have done pretty good, I think, in an English major or something since all of my English classes are pretty much straight A's while my science courses are B's. But whatever. I can do either one.
17. I used (and currently) am obsessed with being normal. Like, having normal things. Like a 9-5 job, normal friends, and normal sunsets. But right now, I think that I will never be normal. I will never have a normal anything. And I am okay with that. Normal is pretty boring anyway.
18. I don't know what my friends think of me.
19. I'm not a virgin.
20. I'm too particular when it comes to meeting and befriending guys. Like, to date. I hate everyone and this is why I'm single.
21. I used to actually hide in the closet when I was younger. I felt safe and secure there, in the dark. No one could find me.
22. I hate this university. I hate it so much. Everyone is so boring. Everyone is so dumb. But I met the best people there. I mean, I guess you have to go through a few rotten eggs to find the people who really click with you. But to be honest, I never imagined that I would be here at this university.
23. I don't think I've ever really studied studied. I started studying but just sort of gave up. I guess I pay attention in class often enough.
24. --
25. I was in a minor car accident senior year of high school. But I've been a good boy ever since.
26. I'm a bad driver. I'm asian and I'm a fag. It adds up.
27. I wish to be loved and wanted. I wish I was older and more independent. I wish for a billion dollars.
28. Most people think that I am shy and quiet and polite. But some people know better. I can be dirty and exciting sometimes.
29. Whenever I meet someone who I admire a lot or who just seems better than me, I try to emulate them. Like, I'll join in on their interests or say the things they say when they're not around. Perhaps, possibily, I am the combined results of all the people who I admired through the years.
30. I have been in love once. I think. But what is love?
31. You know who you are.
32. I like you but I'm not "in" like with you.
33. I'm not the kind of person who's like, "I love you" to friends or whatever. Because I don't. Well, I do but not in the truer sense of the word. Well, the sense of the word according to me. Translation? I do not want to boink my friends. Not necessarily.
34. I dont think I'm allergic to anything.
35. Oops, I am not married. However, I do have a binding contract to marry someone at the age of 35 if neither of us are married. Some people probably know who I'm talking about. I won't name names.
36. I've been to rock concerts and classical (Joshua Bell) concerts. I think the experience will be enhanced by the people I go with. They are good, nevertheless.
37. If I were straight, I would have a crush on Deanna.
38. Funny how group mechanics work. Everyone thinks alike. Even me.
39. My family and I don't talk anymore. Even if we're under the same roof.
40. In real life, I am less thoughtful than I am onlne. I think. I don't know. I know that I am different online than in real life.
41. I think people know I'm gay. But I'm not sure.
42. My dad doesn't talk to me anymore. He doesn't even say things like, "I'm going to get milk" or anything. I think I'm trying to find a partner like my father, someone who will give me the love I deserve, the love he never gave me.
43. My father and his brother don't talk either. No one talks in our family.
44. I can eat anything. And this is why I'm so fat.
45. I like cooking. But no one to cook for.
46. My parents used to say that I should practice my violin more so I can be a world famous violinist. When I didn't, they were disappointed.
47. I like to bite.
48. I get annoyed with people who ask too many questions. Sometimes, you just have to go with the flow.
49. I don't like beer. And I've never tried anything else.
50. I prefer pink lemonade.
51. I don't drink coffee. Unless it's in frappacino form.
52. My mother burps loudly and rudely. But only at home. Don't tell anyone.
53. I'm a buddhist. Thank god for their lax requirements.
54. I am good at figuring out computer problems. That's why people think I'm good at computers. I'm not. But I'm just really good at going online and following directions or just pressing buttons.
55. My favorite car ride games are the ones that reveal something about the passengers.
56. I really miss my innocence.
57. My humor is based on my wit. My intelligence. Although, I sometimes find other witty people annoying. I hope I'm not too annoying.
58. People laugh harder when I snort when laughing.
59. I'm lazy. Even if people don't think so.
60. People still think I look 14 on days when I've had a clean shave. Does this mean that all of my boyfriends (past and future) are potential pedophiles?
61. I want to dye my hair a different color just to see how it would look. But I like it being black. Many people would kill for this hair.
62. I think having grey hair would be sexy. Not peppered hair. But grey.
63. My commutes are longish. Well, for work its only two seconds. But to school, its way longer. So I read.
64. When I'm older I want to have a suburban home and a city home. That way, I can choose to be either one. I'm not sure if I want a rural home.
65. Do landlords make a lot of money?
66. Love comes in different forms. Some forms I reject.
67. This question is blank, so I don't know what to put here.
68. Sometimes I wish I were straight and on easy road.
69. I don't have any piercings or tattoos. I dont think I will ever get them. I'm too pussy. Plus, how would they look when I get older. Sometimes, I'm too superficial.
71. Sometimes I remember my dreams. Mostly, their mundane except for one weird little quirk. Like, i don't shoot lasers out of my eyes or whatever. But I'm stuck in the same mall time after time or whatever.
72. I dreamt that I died before. And I dreamt I had the most pure and sweetest love before. Waking up sucks.
73. I am an information junkie. I read/surf too much. I guess I always want to stay connected.
74. Music tastes are eclectic. Some people think I'm a music snob. But I don't think so. I like indie rock music, some techno songs, soundtracks, classical, some rap songs, some pop songs. I mean, whatever. I have a few guilty pleasures. But, you know, whatever, right?
75. I am a total nut for shy guys. But I'm too shy to approach them.
76. Sometimes I wish I was hot. Like, I wish I could turn heads. I wonder what they feels like.
77. In elementary school, one of the girls had a crush on me or something. We [the boys] were chasing the girls and she pinned me down on the ground and told me "no, stop it," I felt so embarassed I left the game.
78. I took advance classes in high school because I thought I should. I never really liked them.
79. I have a straight crush on one of the academic advisors at Temple. She's so awesome.
80. I like it when people find me interesting. But only one person at a time. Anymore and I feel like I'm suffocating.
81. I can go on any ride in an amusement park except for the centripidal force things. They make me sick.
82. I dont think I need cable TV. But then again, I've never lived without it.
83. I want to write a book. I want to write "that new and excting gay love story." but I have to have a gay love story first.
84. I used to think Britney Spears looked beautiful and sexy. Now, she looks so messed up and ugly.
85. Any male pop star, I believe, is a fag.
86. I like short films. And indie movies. But I never see too much of them. My money keeps going to hollywood movies.
87. I never puked from drinking. Because I never get drunk. I'm always the designated driver.
88. I never want to be on TV or in pictures. I guess thats why so few people have pictures of me.
89. Next vaction is a cruise to Mexico. August, mid.
90. Sometimes I alternate between a penny pincher and a total materialistic whore.
91. I've been hit on by most guys by most races. Except for Asians. I guess I'm not good looking enough for the asians. Oh wait, I have been hit on by an Asian guy. But he was looking for a hook up and I guess any cock will do.
92. My father still calls the owner of this convience store (who is indian) muslim. And to make it worse, he calls him Bin laden.
93. I believe that everyone has a soul mate, their 100% true perfect love. But I also think that many people settle for less.
94. I am addicted to blogging and reading other blogs.
95. I really want to help people. I like to tutor and all. I think that its the least I can do.
96. I really like recieving e-mail and snail mail messages. Sometimes I want to kill instant messagers because they take out the zest of communication.
97. I even like healthy cerals. In fact, I like anything. Except for those corn puffs or whatever. Yuck.
98. I want to have my freedom. But I'm scared to.
99. I liked to be liked. And sometimes I bend over backwards for people for this. I should stop it.
100. Making this list was long and difficult. But I enjoyed it. I didn't really know how to do it since I only had the answers and not the questions. But perhaps it was designed that way.

ah, fuck it. Undo everything.

I am very disappointed.

I will recap almost everything that happened to me in the past few days.

Wednesday - Evening

I took my economy midterm and left early because the one girl was taking so long on her test that it killed my desire (albeit little) to stay behind and attend the class since everything was pushed back because of the storm last Tuesday. And I guess I had another reason why I wanted to leave early. I wanted to pick up Matt from his Boyertown hell and bring him to my Norristown hell.

On the way there I got a little lost. Maybe because I was zoning out a little bit. I've been so tired lately. Maybe because of all the stress of working and dealing with medicine and people's lives. It's so, I don't know, much responsibility? Anyway, I got a little lost and I didn't want to call him up because I thought I could do it by myself. But I also got a little scared so I just swallowed my pride and called him. We got it sorted out. The funny thing is that I actually turned onto the house he was stay in by mistake. I thought I had gone too far so I turned into a random drive way only to make a U-Turn back again but realized that the drive way I turned into was his friend's house and Matt was just inside.

He came out with his bookbag and luggage and I popped it in my car. The drive home was very uneventful. But it was a good kind of uneventful. We just talked about what has been happening with us the past year or so (I hadn't seen him since last August). I ask him whether or not he'll be comfortable sleeping in my room instead of the living room or something. I also had another question I wanted to ask him but I decided to leave that for the right moment.

We came home and he met my parents again. They didn't recognize him but whatever. I guess he's just another friend to them. I led him to my room and had him put down his luggage and tried to find him a pillow. Then I asked the question I wanted to ask in the car earlier. I asked, "I don't know if you're okay with it but would you want to sleep on this side of the bed and I'll sleep on the other? It's a big bed." and luckily he agreed quickly.

I then had dinner - he wasn't hungry. Afterwards we went back to my room and he popped out his laptop. The thing was huge. It was a 17 inch laptop or something with a number pad. I kept making fun of him for it. I mean, I thought the 15.4 inch ones were big, this was even bigger. But it looked sexy. We watched Margaret Cho on his laptop since earlier he was talking all about her. It was pretty good, I'd admit.

Afterwards, we just kind of talked for a little bit. We laid down on the bed and talked some more. He then tickled me which worked. I tried to tickle him but it didn't work. So I asked him for a list of all the places he was ticklish. And he listed them (stomach and neck) and I found out he was telling the truth. We tickled each other. I went to turn out the lights and since I have horrible night vision, he stuck out his hand to guide me towards the bed again. As he was guiding me, he tickled me and made me fall had down on the bed squirming. After the laughter was over, he still had his hand on my side as I was facing the other way on my side on the bed. I took his hand on my side and guided it up towards my chest and we got into the classic spooning position. I turned around and kissed him.

We were both in our underwear since that was our normal going-to bed attire. We wrestled around for a long while, trying to reconnect with each other on a physical level. I told him that I missed this and he said that he missed this too. We tried to fall asleep but as soon as one of us calmed down the other would move his hand and start it up again. It was about three or four in the morning before we finally decided to stop and go to bed.

Thursday - Day

I wake up at about 7:00 in the morning and I still find him asleep. I didn't really get a good night's sleep since there were too many thoughts in my head, I was too rest less. I go out and see my dad since i do that in the mornings. My dad says to me, "You two slept in the same bed? Isn't that a little weird?"

"Why? Why would it be weird?"

"You two are sleeping in the living room tonight. You will not be doing that again."

--I will finish later--

There he is, just right there, sleeping. But I can't reach over and take him, you know? The first night was great and I really felt like I was a part of something, while we were together in bed and just in each other's arms. I felt safe, I felt like I didn't have a care in the world. Everything was alright. And even if everything wasn't alright, they will be sooner or later.

I liked how we were, how we are able to be together without any real complications. Of course, the complications come afterward when we're not together. But that's not for a day. Until then, I'll be satisfied with the here and now.

My parents thought that two guys sleeping in the same bed was weird. I told them that Kevin slept in the same bed as me a few times too and no one said anything. But I guess this time is different. This time, the person sleeping in the same bed as me actually matters to me. This person I actually really care about.

Now, we're in the living room, sleeping inches away from each other but the distance is much greater. I just want to reach over and take him. Feel him. Be with him.

We went to the movies last night. Mainly because I did not want to go home. I don't know what my parents will say or do once he leaves. Maybe something big and grande will happen. The bomb would explode and everything, everyone, will change. What do I think will happen? Well, they'll probably forbid me to see him ever again. Which, right now, seems like the worst thing but at the same time, the least pressing issue because right now, he's there, a few inches away from me, sleeping. Maybe my parents will forbid me to go out too. Ever again. I know, not ever ever again. But I wonder if I will be able to see Alex again, to spend more time with him.

I wonder if I will ever be able to see Matt again without me lying to my parents. Or if I'll be able to do anything without lying to my parents (to a greater degree). Or maybe, optimistically, I'll be able to do things like see Matt again without lying to my parents. And everything will be fairy-tale okay.

Maybe.

So, I've been working at the hospital this past week or so. I have to admit that on the first few days I didn't want to wake up. I just didn't want to go to work and have to feel useless. I really really hate that. I really hate being just a bystander while everyone is doing whatever they're doing. The Pharmacy department is too understaffed to have someone to really train me. So most of my lessons are hurried and careless, taken care of by different people with different methods and sometimes contradicting each other. So, for a few days when I first started I just dreaded waking up and going to another day. But I felt that I couldn't not go because I didn't have a job if I didn't go. And they pay really well at the hospital. It would be foolish of me to pass it up.

I guess part desperation, part resignation, and part greed kept me there. And maybe a little perseverance.

One of the pharmacy techs there, during the first beginning days, started to complain about me, how I didn't know how to do this or that or whatever. But it seems that everyone in the department was under the assumption that I have had prior pharmacy and drug experience. But after I told them that I was just a second year college student (not even in Pharmacy school yet) they kind of backed off and started to act decently. But they're still not completely good with me. But that's only, like, two people. The rest of the pharmacy staff are awesome, very supportive and helpful. And I'm learning a lot about drugs.

Like, which ones are for hypertension, which ones are for seizures, which ones people would need immediately and which ones people can wait for so I don't have to necessarily rush. There's still a ton of more drug names to learn, their effects, uses and cautions. I'm overwhelmed, but I think I can handle it.

Today, especially, I felt more...what's that word? More proficient. I was able to do many of the things by myself, interacted with the nurses and held my ground (the nurses are horrible) and even spent time joking with the workers in the pharmacy.

It's the one thing I hate about switching jobs, it's that whole period of time where you have to lose those old habits of the previous job and get used to the new rules and people. The histories from the old job are lost, everything you did, everything you said, everything you had, just lost and starts anew. I mean, it's not necessarily a bad thing. If I were a jerk in the last job then I could start anew. But I wasn't a bad jerk. And I don't really like just getting to know all the people there, learning the names, and the procedures of everything. Tell me to make a new library card for someone and I could do it in five seconds. But tell me to make an IV bag for a diabetic patient, well I'll pause - for a long while and ask someone else to do it. It's that whole ugly feeling of being helpless and dumb.

But nevermind that.

I met this really nice guy, Alex, who I am having trouble gauging his reactions to certain stimuli. I know he's probably going to read this someday and I'm probably going to be sitting next to him feeling embarrassed but I'll say it anyway. I've never knew any guys who weren't forward in their convictions. The guys I knew, so far, have been very direct with what they want and it was mostly up to me to choose either way. But, I don't know, Alex isn't. And I really don't know what to expect. Or what to do, for that matter.

Tuesday, he and I went to see Pirates 2. He had gotten me the shirt from the Indie Rock Flea Market in Philadelphia the previous weekend. So I bought tickets for us both. And he started thanking me, "I'm not used to this." and so I says, "Not used to what?" and he answers, "To people buying stuff, like tickets." and I found that just so endearing. (I'm just trying to not say 'cute', btw).

One word on the new Pirates movie. Maybe it was just me, but I felt that it was really too long. It was a good movie, I liked it and it was pretty entertaining and interesting. I absolutely love Jack and his crazy way of walking and talking and existing. But the ending, I just wanted to kill somebody. It's such an obvious prelude to another sequel. The movie doesn't really end, you know? Like, "The Empire Strikes Back" was a sequel to the original Star Wars but that had an ending even if the title vaguely hints of another sequel. It was done tastefully. But, OMG. But, you know, whatev.

Anyway, I wish I could have thought of something more to do. After the movies, I really didn't have any idea what else there was to do. I mean, I didn't want to drive him too far away from Lansdale/Ambler but I didn't know what there was to do in Lansdale/Ambler. Maybe next time, he'll be okay with going to Philadelphia or something, because that's where all the action is. Or at least more so than Lansdale. I don't know, hopefully I'll think of something. And tell him that I like his shoes. Maybe he'll tell me he likes me.

So, I'm at the beach. But the beach isn't here. By the act of God, the weather here has been very September-y or, one the good days, early Spring-ish. Which was okay by me. I'm not a big fan of the beach anyhow. I used to love splashing in the water and whatever when I was younger. But now, I just want to get laid. I mean, doesn't everyone?

I like it when my parents argue about something and they always seem to find a way to compromise or one person yielding for the other. It takes a long time before that kind of thing happens, you know? But at the same time, their arguing and whatever did give me an actual headache. Not the fake pussy "omg, you're giving me a headache" but an actual "someone is pounding the inside of my skull". Good times though.

I also think it was that country music radio that was making my head hurt too. My brother changed it to a rock station, so I thought it'll be alright. But it wasn't good rock. It was like...Mudvayne and Linkin Park rock. Which is like a bunch of weird boys screaming at horrible guitar power chords. I aim to offend.

I saw a horseshoe crab the other day. I think it's called a horse shoe crab. Anyway, my mother wouldn't let me touch it. But last night I resolved to go out and net it, bring it to the beach and clean that motherfucker out. So I can take it home and tell everyone that I am such a man. But when I went out this morning, the thing was gone. Gosh darn, stupid mother and her stupid fear of diseases. Oh well.

Le sigh!

Last night was my last night at the library. It kind of made me want to have quit sooner, you know? If I knew that everyone would be so gosh darn nice to me, then it would have probably been "Sayonara, bitches" like five years ago. A ton of people came up to me and said something along the lines of "I know you're always going to be successful in anything you do, you just seem like that kind of person." and "We're really going to miss you, anyone they get to replace you is just an old lady."

Actually, the last part is my own addition. My boss (who wasn't present) has had four interviews and the names correspond to old ladies. The library needs a new image. And I was that coverboy. But now, they are devolving into a old lady dyke fest. But, I guess it boost (boasts?) buyers loyalty. Or something?

There has always been this guy in the computer lab who likes to get into conversations with me. But the weird thing is that after we're done our topic of discussion and I'm holding a book, ready to get on working, he just kind of stands there. I don't know if he's just a nerd (actually, he is a nerd, this is a fact) and he doesn't know/have any social graces to know that i need to work and its time to go away or something else. It's like he's always wants to say something more. The conversation just hangs in the air until I have to pick it up again. So yesterday I decided to give him my phone number. I get that sort of vibe from him. The rest is up to him, really.

I told the guy that I was going to go with to the "punk rock" flea market to pick me up some shirts. And some other things. I hope I don't have to pay him back. Maybe I'll just punch him in the face and run off. Seems like a Dennis thing to do.

I keep having dreams that I'm punching somebody in the face but my punches aren't hitting them. Like, the fist is going towards their face but I never feel the impact, just a soft thud or something. The punches are weak, ineffectual. Like I don't have any muscles to inflict damage on the person

I will finish later. Beach time.

Tonight I received a call from this guy. We were talking online and I don't really know him that well in real life. Anyway, he was blowing shit up in his room. Shit like firecrackers, sparklers and whatever. He was asking me about Potassium Nitrate (used in model rocket fuel, saltpieter, fertilizers, etc) and where you could obtain it. Then I told him about Lithium and how explosive it is. I told him to take his iPod and put some lead in it, it'll probably explode. (lead, as in shot it, not put lead into the thing)

Anyway, he sent me a few pictures of his explosions using his camera phone. Then he calls me. It was a weird surprise, but not much since he was sending me pictures to my phone.

He likes my accent. And he thinks I'm smart and he thinks he's too dumb. I tell him that's nonsense. But he insists. I've never had sparklers before so he wants to give me some, he feels bad I missed such a big part of my childhood. He has nice arms.

Today, I met this guy on my Xanga. He said that he liked my sense of humor and invited me to this "punk rock" flea market in philly. He's funny.

Matt and I are on pretty nice terms. I told him that I thought he was a horrible person but i do not hate him. He understood what I meant.

I really do like Madonna. Fuck you.

I've been listening to 80's/90's music a lot lately. Like, on MP3's I downloaded, not on the radio. By choice. You guys should listen to A-ha. They are a funny band. And the band that does "You spin me right round". That is a good music video. So fuckin' 80's.

I wish there were more than two genders.

What do I think about people who have to do lists for every single day of the week? What about the people who actually use a calendar and/or an appointment book. People who say, "I'll have to check my schedule for next week. I might be booked on Wednesday." and they take out their little book bound in cheap dollar store leather and say, "Hm...dinner with Carol."

The calendar that sits above my desk, given to me by Charlotte's mother, still believes that it is April 2006. Someone should really give it a reality check.

Perhaps, I'm jealous of the people with defined days and weeks. I'm jealous at how they have everything planned out and can see their future, goals and duties. I don't really know what I'm doing and all the goals I've set out for myself, I've been putting off until the next day. I'm not in a rush, am I?

Movies I recently saw:

Eraserhead - with my friend. I still don't understand it.
Rules of Attraction - I still don't understand it. I should have finished the book first.
Blade Runner - Haven't finished it. Will do so tomorrow.

My mother recently got me a MacBook. I love it. It's small and shiney and cute. It also runs Windows XP so I don't have to learn too much OS X stuff. I still use a two button mouse.

My mother has been spending a lot of money. I didn't know she had that much money to spend. From newly opened retirement funds to MacBooks (for me) and an iPod (for her) and a treadmill (for no one). She booked a vacation to the shore next week and we have a bigger vacation to a resort in August. Tonight she was debating with my father and me where we should spend the weekend. Cancun? Bahamas? Virgin Islands?

I'm only happy anywhere. Although I don't enjoy the beach anymore. I'd much rather camp or something. It's quiet in the woods. Kind of. And I'm blind without my glasses so going to the beach to check people out isn't such a good idea, mainly because I can't.

Today I looked up different suicide methods. I'm surprised that Wikipedia has a whole article devoted to it. No, I'm not contemplating suicide. I was just interested after reading about a few in the internet papers.

[Suicide Methods]

I had something more to say here. But nothing is coming to mind. I've been meaning to call up some people to reconnect. But I haven't been feeling the mood to talk to anyone. Well, you know. I haven't been in the mood to act like the person that I am. I feel like being someone else for a little while.

I have an e-mail I should respond to. Maybe I'll go and do that now.

EDIT

1. I’ll respond with something random about you
2. I’ll challenge you to try something
3. I’ll pick a color that I associate with you
4. I’ll tell you something I like about you
5. I’ll tell you my first/clearest memory of you
6. I’ll tell you what animal you remind me of
7. I’ll ask you something I’ve always wanted to ask you
8. If I do this for you, you must post this on yours

Sometimes when I'm sitting on the train going to school I compose letters or journal entries in my head, rehashing the previous day. I'll say to myself that this phrase, this idea would make interesting to write down and maybe I can use them later in a fictional story that I write or a unique paper opener.

Last Sunday I spent the day with one of my best buddies ever, Deanna. I think the story of how we met is very serendipitous. One day I happened to sit a sit apart from her friend Christina. Deanna came to Chemistry lecture late and, like her, she jumped into the seat next to Christina and me. She turned around to me and said, "Hey, how's it going?" and I just grunted. Chemistry lectures always made me sleepy. Anyway, during the lecture I noticed that she was getting pretty bored too so I decided to take a stab at it and say, "Exciting for you too?" and from there we spent the whole lecture just talking. And it was awesome because I never ran out of things to say.

You know how every friendship begins with a phase in which the two parties get to know each other? Well, with Deanna I never really felt that we had that. It just happened like it always has been there. Every exchange was so natural.

It was because of her that I became Treasurer of Common Grounds. She dragged my sorry ass to club meetings and in about a month, I was made Treasurer and she was made head of Public Relations. It's so awesome, to be part of something, you know? And it's awesome to have such a great gal beside me.

So on Sunday we just spent the day together. We talked about girlfriends (hers) and boyfriends (mine) and went shoe shopping (for me) and watched Fried Green Tomatoes at her place. Then we went to her friend's house to watch Velvet...underground? I don't know, some dyke movie with her dyke friends. But I enjoyed it. I don't know, I've been having a better time with myself hanging out with a bunch of lesbians than with some gay boys or straight people. Lesbians just know how to have fun. And everything is so...uncomplicated. With gay boys, there's just that sexual tension, that unknown "what is he thinking?" question mark hanging in the air. With straight people, there's always that unconscious distinction. Those phrases that "try" to separate us. A confirmation that they are straight and I am, in fact, gay.

But with a bunch of lesbians, it's just, whatever since we don't really have an interest in each other but we need to. You know? Maybe I don't even know what I'm saying.

Alright, I'll just leave now. Good day.